Caribbean Jokes

Things A Jamaica Would Never Do

Mi deh yah ah tink and realize seh, dere are sometings yuh woulda neva see we a do, hear we ah seh or even attempt fi try... Tek fir instance...

  • Yuh eva see Jamaicans a climb mountain wid flag and claim victory when dem reach di top? Yuh ever see we ah hang out inna di miggle of di Amazon jungle? Fi wa reason???
  • Yuh ever see we a jump outta plane wid one parachute or a boast seh we going bungee jumping next Sunday?
  • Yuh eva see we inna sea bout we looking fi di Great White Sharks? No sah we wi watch it pon TV.
  • Yuh eva hear a J'can man seh, "My best friend is a batty man, and mi nuh shame fi seh so??????"
  • Yuh eva hear a J'can in ah Search & Rescue pan mountain. A mi sen dem up mountain? Dem find dem way up, dem fe find dem way dung again. Idiat dem! A nature way fe weed de weak and any hungry animal up deh!
  • Yuh eva see a Jamaican acting pon big screen going nto a haunted house and asking..."Trevah yuh in deh?" If him foolish enuf fi go ina di haunted house him an di duppy dem caang fight it out in deh.
  • Yuh eva hear a Jamaican man seh.."no honey...no need to cook rice and  peas wid oxtail and a little chicken pon a Sunday...... mek we order in a  pizzza nuh?" Try yu best.....not pon yu life.
  • Yuh eva si a J'can man wearing tight pants or speedos on the beach???? ahhhmm, errr, heeem.. yes .. ah tink dem call dem chi chi man?
  • Yuh eva si a jamaican come a work an tell everbaddy dem bizniz how dem  neva bade dis mawning, jus brush teet and wash face....
  • Yuh eva si a jamaican wey luv talk ova ppl food, put dem face inna it an sey dat looks and smell good. No sah! Dat wi cause a fight.
  • Yuh ever see a Jamaican go inna di company fridge, and go tek weh next person sangwige and nyam it off?
  • Yuh ever hear Jamaican pickney tel! l dem madda fi shut up, and di madda go tek seat inna kitchen, tek out cigarette start smoke and seh she nuh know wah fi do wid di pickney? NO! One bax crass him face fi sure. An if dem live in New Yaak dem sen dem to Jamaica fi di Summer and den di adda relatives fix dem bizniz and dem go back wid mannaz.
  • Yuh eva see Jamaican tek meat outta fridge and stick it inna oven widout lickle seasoning?
  • Yuh eva hear Jamaican inna di werkplace ah talk bout how much tiyme him wife mek him sleep pan di couch? Crazy tings dat, cause even if she shut di door she expect im fi kick it open.